Long Distance Relationship
by KidC879
Summary: A series of short stories expanding on episodes to show how Kanan and Hera grew closer in their relationship in spite of the boundaries between them. Rated M for suggestive themes. *Work in progress, and chapters being realigned to be sequential. May downgrade rating depending on where this goes.*
1. Fire Across the Galaxy (S1E15)

Hera didn't get a chance to continue their conversation until well past when everyone else had gone to sleep. She knew Kanan was still up and had called him into her quarters. He stood now just inside the door with his arms crossed over his chest. His hair was down and damp, and his sleep pants were tied loosely at his hips. There were fresh bacta patches on his torso. She saw the ones he couldn't reach on his back and gestured toward them with an inquiring look. He nodded, and she grabbed new patches from the kit in her top drawer.

She winced as she removed the first patch and saw the electrical burn. She knew the bacta soothed and healed it, but it was an ugly reminder of what Kanan had been through. Fortunately or not, Hera had the experience to be able to re-dress the wounds quickly. She noticed tension drop from his shoulders, though, when her fingers pulled away.

Stepping back, Hera lifted her chin and asked the question that scared her. "Are you going to leave?"

Kanan was decent enough to be honest with her. "It occurred to me." He knew it hurt her to hear the truth, but he was hurting, too. Hera had kept a staggering secret from him, one that impacted all them. He let it hang in the air for several moments, and then he pushed that nerve even harder. "Ahsoka debriefed me." He saw Hera stiffen. "Told me you abandoned your initial rescue efforts _on her order_. That Ezra disobeyed you to find me."

"You said it yourself: it was stupid and reckless."

"It was. But that's not why you gave up."

Hera turned her back to him, on the defensive now. "We agreed not to make dangerous choices because of how we felt about each other."

"Hera." He had never used that tone with her before. "This isn't about how how we feel about each other. This is about who is calling the shots in our lives. You didn't give up because you chose to. You gave up because Fulcrum told you to."

Hera raised her voice. "I was following orders, Kanan."

His was barely above a strained whisper. "So were the clone troopers, Hera."

Her stomach dropped, and she closed her eyes, imagining once again young Caleb Dume running for his life.

Kanan went on. "The Jedi Order was exterminated by people - our friends and comrades - taking orders from an unseen influence. _They_ had chips in their heads to make sure they complied. But you -" His voice cracked for a moment. "- you followed orders even though it went against your better judgment. I know this because you wouldn't have gone along with Ezra's plan if you thought it was the wrong thing to do."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him turn away from her. "I'm not happy that Ezra disobeyed you. But I'm willing to give the kid a pass because he didn't have the full picture - you didn't _give_ him the full picture - and he thought it was the right thing to do. I didn't try to save my master, and it haunts me to this day. So I understand Ezra's decision even if I don't condone it."

Now he turned back to her, and Hera brought herself to face him. "I've fought for half my life to stay alive after the last war. You knew I didn't want to get involved in a larger rebellion, but you got us all involved and without giving us a chance to choose. And you followed the orders of their shadowy operative that went against what you and your crew wanted. So I have to know: why does this Rebellion have more power over you than your family, your own conscience?"

As he spoke, Kanan watched Hera's face crumple from defiant to despondent. She gasped out his name, and it was like a breeze snuffing out a flame. Kanan let go of his pain and pulled her to his chest. She curled her arms tight between them, afraid to brush against his burns, and his arms encircled her slight flame. He tipped his chin to kiss her forehead, and he breathed in the sweet, spicy scent of her skin. Just this morning he been on Tarkin's ship and thought that he would never hold her again.

Her words were mixed with choked sobs. "Kanan… I… I kept remembering the public Jedi executions. I couldn't eat or sleep. I saw your mutilated, lifeless body every time I closed my eyes. I had waking dreams of finding..." She retched, holding back the bile. "...Of finding your severed head here in the Ghost. I couldn't think of anything but your death." Kanan tightened his grip on her and ran slow, soothing strokes down a lek. He recalled the relentless visions of blaster fire tearing through his master, the years of seeing his dead master around every dark corner, and his heart hurt for Hera.

Kanan could tell Hera was working through her thoughts. "I was in bad shape. I tried to hide it from the crew, tried to be a leader, but I know they saw through it. When Fulcrum - Ahsoka - told me to stop, I lost what little hope I had left. I felt dead inside. I didn't want to stop searching for you, but I was scared of losing everyone else. Things don't work without you."

They were silent for a long time while he continued to stroke her lek, then Kanan spoke quietly against Hera's temple. "Right after the war, I stole a ship - from the guy who helped me survive in the first days after Order 66 - and made a run for Coruscant. When I got there and discovered how alone I really was in the Galaxy…" Kanan sighed. "We aren't always true to ourselves when we are desperate and hopeless."

He gripped her shoulders and stepped back so they were face to face. "But Hera, you hid this -" he gestured vaguely in the direction of the Rebel ship, "from me. You're my -" He couldn't think of a word strong enough for what they had that Hera would allow. "After all that we've been through together, all that we are to each other… This is not the level of trust I thought we had."

Hera wasn't just a master of defensive maneuvering in the Ghost. "I thought this wasn't about how we feel about each other."

"Fine. Part of this is about our feelings. And this hurts me. Deeply."

"Kanan," his name came out as a plea, "I didn't tell you about the larger Rebellion because I wanted to protect you." She placed her palms on bare chest and sighed. "But you're right. When you were gone and presumed dead, I realized not knowing didn't keep you safer. It only kept other people safer." She searched his eyes. "I'm sorry for making other people more important than you, Kanan."

"And I'm sorry for what you went through while I was gone, Hera. I'm glad you told me because it gives me context for why you let a stranger decide my fate for you." She winced at that. "But I need you to know..." Here, he paused and straightened his back, pulling away from Hera. He closed his eyes. "I need you to know that you damaged our relationship with this secret." He opened his eyes on time to see her eyebrow markings furrow, and then she looked down. He put a finger under her chin and lifted her face back up to meet his eyes. "I need you to know, not because I want you to feel guilt or shame, but because I'm struggling with this. My trust is shaken. I don't trust that you won't keep other things from me or are still even now. That you will be completely open and honest in our relationship. Hera, I've never trusted someone as deeply and completely as I have trusted you. Discovering that you have deceived me… I don't know how to sort through those feelings yet."

Hera open her mouth to respond, but Kanan needed her to see the whole picture. "And I _don't_ want to be at war. I'm struggling to train a Padawan who is going to be more vulnerable with the more enemies we have. With more reasons to fear. I don't know that I have what I need to protect him if he starts to feel the pull of the Dark side."

"So you would take Ezra, too?"

Kanan released her shoulders and ran his hand through his hair. "I said it occurred to me. I didn't say I _am_ leaving. You should know I can't leave you, Hera. Even if I can't trust you like I once did right now."

Hera closed her eyes in relief and grief.

"And I can't leave the kids. Our family is more than just the two of us, now. They need us - both of us. I could sense tension in Ezra. We're the first family he's had in years, and I am going to have to help him work through these newfound fears of abandonment." Hera shook her head in frustration with herself. She hadn't even realized Ezra might not trust her after leaving his master to be tortured at the hands of the Empire.

Kanan took her face gently in his cool hands, and Hera looked up at him. "I intend to forgive you and learn to trust you again. I love you, and I want us to grow stronger than ever." He stroked her cheekbone with his thumb. "You're just going to have to help me with that."

She clasped her hand to his that cradled her face, and she felt real hope for the first time since his capture.

"Yes, dear."


	2. Homecoming (S2E16)

"You're actually going to talk to him?" Kanan felt tense on her behalf.

"We don't really have a choice." Hera strode to her cabin and steeled herself for the transmission.

Just saying "Hello, Father" took more out of her than she expected. The bulk of the conversation was habit: recruit a vital asset to a mission and arrange a meeting. She could do this with her eyes closed, even if Cham Syndulla's support required additional overtures.

When the transmission ended, though, so did her strength. She sat heavily on her bunk and dropped her head into her hands. Her thoughts were stars spinning past her in hyperspace, and she was flying without a nav computer. For several long minutes she let her mind whirl while she tried to get her bearings.

First thing: she got what they needed for the mission; she'll need to relay the information to Commander Sato. She had long ago come to terms with getting the job done even if it came at a personal expense; the Rebellion and the fate of the galaxy was more important than her feelings.

She heard a long stride through the corridor stop at her door, and she knew what was coming. She waited a few moments, but so did Kanan. Hera activated the door before he got her name out. She looked up at him from her bunk and suddenly realized how tall he must seem to Ezra. It was not lost on Hera that - after talking to her own father - she saw Kanan anew through his father-like relationship with the boy.

Standing in the corridor, Kanan informed her, "I told the crew you're off tonight and put them to work. They grumbled, but they've got everything under control."

"Thanks."

Still in the corridor, he added, "Need to talk?"

She arched an eyebrow marking at him. "Do I _ever_ need to talk, Kanan?"

"Ok, then, would you feel better if you vented to someone about how awful your father is?" His tone was light, but Kanan hoped for her sake that she would concede.

Hera grunted and flopped back on her bunk. "Fine. Come in."

The door slid shut as Kanan made his way to her bunk. Hera shifted over, and he sat down. "Your father brings out the Sabine in you." She would have taken offense if he hadn't stroked her face while saying it.

"Why did it have to be Ryloth, Kanan?" A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. Kanan's touch was light as he brushed it away.

"I don't know, Hera, but I like to think it's the will of the Force. You've taught me to have hope for a better tomorrow. I'm going to hope that this is a chance for you and your father reconcile."

Hera scoffed. "Not likely."

"I think you owe it to yourself to try to find peace. I'm going to do my part to be positive and try to make a good impression on him."

Hera rolled her eyes. "Why would you bother doing that?"

Kanan stroked her cheek again. "For the two women I hold in the highest regard." He waited for her to meet his gaze. "Your father fought alongside Jedi Master Mace Windu. Master Windu was my master's master before she became a Knight. My master respected your father because her master did, and, out of my respect for them, I want to look for the best in him.

"As for you, let me ask: would you want my master to have a good impression of you?"

"Are you implying she wouldn't?"

"I'm being serious, Hera. Wouldn't my master's opinion of you matter … even if she couldn't condone, well, us?"

"Of course, Kanan, but that's because you had a good relationship with her. My father and I don't, so it shouldn't matter to you."

Kanan closed his eyes. "Hera, I would want my master to see what I see in you no matter what she felt about me or us. Because I respect you. Because I respected her. But also because I would want you to know that, if she and I weren't in a good place and later reconciled, you wouldn't have to win her over. That healing my relationship with my master wouldn't challenge my relationship with you." He opened his eyes again and looked at her. "Can you let me try to make a good impression your father? In case you and he ever reconcile?"

Hera looked down. She took a deep breath. "I'll try, Kanan. Because you asked me to. But, for the record, I don't care what my father thinks of you. I only care what I think of you, and I already know that you have exceeded him in the ways that matter to me."

Kanan grinned. "I'll take it. I mean, it's not like I can guarantee that he _will_ like me. Even if I am a likable guy."

Hera rolled her eyes again and reached for him, a coy smile curving her lips. "How about you stop worrying about my father now, and try making a good impression on me?"

Kanan's grin spread into a brilliant smile, and he leaned in close. "Oh, in that arena," he whispered, his warm breath tickling close to her ear cone, "there is no try."

* * *

Later, laying entwined with each other, Hera brushed her fingers over Kanan's collarbone and murmured, "You continue to impress, love."

"Huh." He puffed his chest out in mock vanity, and she chuckled. "And you continue to inspire, Hera." He rolled more fully onto his side to face her. He stroked the soft flesh of her belly and laid his hand flat across it. Quietly he said, "And I don't just mean _this_." He lifted his hand for a moment to flick his finger between the two of them before settling it against her again. "You inspire me to be a better man."

Hera was touched and brought her hand to rest upon his.

"So, while I am grateful for every opportunity to show you how I feel about you, I would be a lesser man if I let you off the hook because I got laid." He arched his eyebrow and gave her a serious look, so she remained quiet. "I still want you seek peace with your father. If that is reconciling with him, great, but at the very least look for ways to let go of your anger."

"Kanan…"

"Hera, I don't ask for much."

"Is getting me to forgive him really your way of getting the great Cham Syndulla to approve of you?"

"That he won't scares the hell out of me. But that's on me. I want you to make an effort for your own benefit. I want you to be at peace with what is left of your family."

Kanan had struck a nerve with that comment, and he knew it. Hera closed her eyes and rolled away, and he let her have her space. "I'm going to grab some sleep before tomorrow. Wake me if you need me earlier."

He didn't expect her to respond, and Hera lived up to that expectation. Kanan dressed and left the room, leaving silence in his wake.


End file.
